I Almost Do
by DamonsGurl95
Summary: Kensi fights with herself about calling Deeks after she returns from Afghanistan


Disclaimer: I do not own the characters, they belong to everyone involved with NCIS: Los Angeles. The story is my own work & an original.

Kensi felt tired after returning home but she was too scared to sleep.

She thought about calling Deeks but wasn't sure where they stood now since she left without a goodbye.

Her phone vibrated and when she looked at it she was shocked to see Deeks name but she ignored it, what would she say.

All Kensi wanted was to run to him and be in his arms like the hug he gave her in Afghanistan.

It took everything in her to just leave her phone on the table.

Outside a car backfired making Kensi jump, she took a deep breath and grabbed her phone.

She held her finger over the call button for Deeks number but hesitated.

If she called him she was putting it out there that she needed him, what if he didn't need her? What if he didn't want to help her? What if he had gone to bed and she'd be waking him up? Would he answer her call? He texted her, what did that mean? Did he want to make sure she was okay? Does he care? Was he just being friendly? If he was being friendly wouldn't Callen or Sam have checked on her too? What did the text say? Should she read it? What if it was too much? She had been through a traumatic event, was he joking around to make her feel better? What if she ignored the text until morning? What if she couldn't sleep because she was too busy thinking too much? What if she couldn't sleep because she was scared to be alone?

Silently Kensi cursed herself, what was she so worried about? Deeks is her friend, sure they went on a date kinda thing before she was sent to Afghanistan but she was gone for so long he'd probably found someone else. Suddenly Kensi became aware of tears in her eyes, was she that scared about Deeks being with another girl?

Kensi fell to her knees and allowed the tears to flow freely, tears of fear that Deeks had moved on, tears for the things she saw and endured in Afghanistan, tears for having seen Jack again after so many years of wondering. For what felt like hours Kensi lay there with her arms hugging her legs leaning against her couch crying her heart out.

Her phone was by her side and it began ringing, Kensi looked over at it to see Deeks name. After hesitating one last time Kensi reached for the phone, a second too late she went to answer it only to have Deeks hang up.

Kensi laughed bitterly through the tears in her eyes, she was ready to answer but was too late. More questions raced through Kensi's mind, should she call back? Would he be worried if she didn't? Why did he call? Had she left not responding to his text for too long and he was worried that she hadn't responded?

After a few minutes of further hesitation Kensi held her finger of the call button, this time pressing it. The end of the line went to voicemail, Kensi hung up and tried not to cry about it. Was it a sign that she wasn't meant to talk to him tonight? Should she take it as a sign to wait for tomorrow to talk to him at work?

It was two in the morning and the wind was howling outside, the rain crashing against the windows, thunder and lightning cracked through the sound of the howling wind. Kensi looked at the clock on her oven to see it flashing, great the power had gone out she thought. How long ago did that happen? It felt like she'd been laying there for days, really it had been hours.

With a sigh Kensi grabbed her phone and read the text from Deeks.

'Hey Kens, how are you? Just wanted to check in, if you need anything give me a call. Monty misses you, maybe I can bring him 'round. Ah well I guess I'll see you at work. Deeks.'

Kensi smiled, simple yet meaningful. Deeks hadn't changed at all. But she had, would he still want to be around her? She had seen things that he'd only had nightmares about.

Kensi typed back a response. 'Hey Deeks, I know it's late/early whatever way you look at it. I thought I'd let you know that I am okay, just having trouble sleeping with this weather. I hope Monty isn't too scared. Kensi.'

After a ten minute internal debate Kensi sent the text.

Kensi decided to move off of the floor and curl up on the couch with a blanket.

Kensi jolted up shocked when her doorbell rang. Hesitantly and slowly she moved to the door to open it. Deeks and Monty were stood there dripping from the rain. Kensi moved into action letting them in, locking the door and going to the linen closet to get towels, which Deeks took gratefully. Monty allowed Kensi to dry him, pushing his face along her leg in a manner as if to say thank you.

After they were dry Monty curled up by their feet on the floor in front of the couch which Kensi and Deeks were sat on. Without hesitation Deeks pulled Kensi over to him to lay her head on his lap, he gently brushed her hair back with his fingers.

"You can sleep now, we'll protect you and never leave. Don't be scared Kens," Deeks said softly, he planted a kiss on her forehead as she rolled over to look into his eyes.

In that moment Kensi knew that everything would be alright.

She had nothing to worry about.


End file.
